Some singles hate this day
There’s only one thing I hate more than being single on Valentine’s Day, and that’s pickles. So since the greeting card companies haven’t, as of yet, made a holiday that makes me fiercely aware of my extreme dislike for pickles, I will focus my loathing on Feb. 14.
Apparently I’m not the only person experiencing this bitterness towards a day targeted at couples, because Valentine’s has also become known as Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.). The funny thing is that the name implies that I am not aware of my “singularity.”
So I’ll be bitter, slightly jaded and alone on Feb. 14. Tons of articles can be found online that will tell you ways to spend the day alone without getting caught up in the knowledge of not having a Valentine.
Scratch that. I want to spend a day wallowing in my loneliness, so that when someone asks me what I did on Valentine’s Day, I can say I spent it with my favorite person: myself.
When I’m walking down the aisle of the local store eyeballing all the over-priced gifts aimed towards partners who think buying milk and a Valentine’s present in the same store is perfectly acceptable, I’m going to pick out the chocolates that look the most delicious, manhandle them for a minute, and then replace them for a cheaper one. After all, polls have shown that upwards of 15 percent of women send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day.
When I get home, I’m going to kick my shoes off in the middle of the floor, toss my coat down somewhere and refuse to pick up any of it, because no one is there to tell me otherwise.
After I’ve devoured my chocolates, watched my favorite chick flick, shed a couple of tears at the part where Audrey Hepburn kicks Cat out of the car and thrown my balled up socks on the floor, I will go crawl into bed and smile in delight at the fact that I have the entire space to myself.
Fifteen minutes later, when the main man in my life finally crawls up into bed, I’ll be sure to scratch him in his favorite spot and lift up the blankets for him to crawl under. Because any good woman knows dogs enjoy sleeping under the sheets.
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